I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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