I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He shit in the fireplace
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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