Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
