girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
