Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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