You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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