Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
