I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
