dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
