I want to make a zoo with you.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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