weddingsv make me drug and hornr
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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