No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
