Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
