All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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