I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
