if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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