And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
