Jerry, you need to find god
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
