I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
