Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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