I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
it's great music for shaving your balls
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
