why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
