the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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