then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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