Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
