i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
