my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
