i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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