I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
