i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
