Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
