the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
