apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
