Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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