Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I will be naked everywhere
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
