I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
