and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
