People in love make me want to vomit
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Randomize
