I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I wish there were birth control emojis
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
