i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
