he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
