Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
