Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
