i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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