You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
