This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
