Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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