I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
