I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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