I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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