Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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